Monday, May 07, 2007

How I Learned to Stop Hating the War in Afghanistan

I was out in the woods today scattering peanuts around to attract squirrels so my old dog can chase them. It was a beautiful morning to celebrate the start of my summer break, smoke a joint, sip a thermos of sweet cappuccino, and listen to the birds sing.

When suddenly it turned ugly. I came across a small clearing buzzing with flies. And there was my old nemesis...















I tried to run but his awesome piggy powers drew me back and forced me to my knees in front of him.

"Simon you stupid little fuckhead...I thought you were dead ...but we meet again " the Pig God said blowing a wad of maggots out of his nostrils. "Don't you ever learn ANYTHING? What's all this crap I hear about you hating the Great War in Afghanistan? When I KNOW you really love it... just like I do."

"But Pig God I'm not like you" I stuttered trying not to faint. "I hate to see all that useless killing. Or all that damage to our country's image. Or see Canadian soldiers die for nothing."

"Fuckoff you dirty little faggot party pooper," the Pig God said swinging back and forth angrily on his wooden stake. "How DARE you try to ruin my fun. I'll have you know the soldiers LOVE their doomed mission. Torture is sweet and yummy. Killing is Afghanistan's national sport. And seeing people die for nothing gives me a warm feeling where my piggy cock used to be. It's MY kind of hockey game."

"And besides," he sniffed... flicking a worm out of his eyeball and eating it. " Don't pretend you're not a monster like all the others. You say you hate the war in Assghanistan. Now. But I just KNOW you love the way it's killing Stephen Harper."












If a federal election were underway today, Afghanistan would almost certainly be a major battleground of the campaign, and could easily become a political killing field for Stephen Harper and the Conservatives.

OMG. The Porky Prophet is right. I do love it!! Another bloody summer is just beginning and already its looking real bad...for Harper and his Cons.

The fact that 55% of those polled said Canada should get out if casualties continue -- and, sadly, they will -- says Canadians are losing their stomach for a war that many see as increasingly futile.

And not only futile....dangerous...

Another key poll finding is that 67% think the mission is making this country and its citizens more vulnerable to a terrorist attack

Uh oh. Who let the truth out? Something tells me that after a bloody summer comes a fall election....

So the Great War in Afghanistan can be the downfall of the Yankee Chihuahua Harper. Just like the Great War in Iraq is bringing down Chimp Bush.

A Newsweek poll released today shows President George W Bush's approval rating has fallen to 28 per cent, an all-time low for the President...

Torn to pieces by the same war that buried Tony Blair.

For many, there is only one word to sum up the Blair legacy: Iraq. Mr. Blair “convinced himself that his power was greater if he became a player in the American debate,” Mr. Katwala said. Even as disdainful Britons called him Bush’s poodle, he became America’s biggest ally in the 2003 invasion.

Wow! Isn't that awesome? A Chimp, a Poodle, and a Chihuahua all brought down by a dirty little war. They thought they could be Warrior Kings. They thought they could ride their little war to glory. Only to have it turn on them .....and mow them down like roadkill.


Isn't history amazing?

Isn't the Pig God a genius?

Isn't war lovely?



Boom boom boopity boom!


Let's hope it's a real hot summer.

Oh what a lovely war....

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

ah yes, lord of the flies......and we are bored of the dies. hmmm, somehow that didn't quite cut it but you get the drift.

to be a warrior king is , in the end, to hang ones self. to be a spiritual warrior is to develop the foresight for what's to come.....despite the grief it may cause we can rise above.

the more we feed the dark, the bigger it gets. you have reached the next level, simon, good on ya.

Anonymous said...

What a great post. Learn from the pig god.

These days, people know more and more that wars are always waged for the wrong reasons. How many people do we want to kill for the sake of our own ideologies?